“Are you sure you want to do this?” Cindy pulled her Ford Escort into the parking lot, shut off the engine and looked at Meredith, who stared at her hands in her lap.
“Do you think I shouldn’t?”
“It is only what you think, what you feel. No one should make this
decision for you, even me, your bestest friend forever.”
Meredith put her hand on the door handle. “I don’t have a choice.”
“There are always choices. It just depends on the consequences you’re
willing to face.”
Tears ran down Meredith’s face. “I think I’ve thought of everything.”
As the women walked to the clinic door, a crowd of five people, two men and three women were chanting: “Baby killer, baby killer, baby killer . . .” outside the perimeter of the parking lot.
“They can’t come any closer legally,” Cindy said. “You go inside. I’ll be right in.” She stomped over to the crowd. “Okay you assholes. You want to save her baby, which one of you will adopt it?”
“There are others who will,” the older man said. He was balding and wearing a clerical collar.”
“So, get them here within ten minutes.” Cindy turned and headed to the door where Meredith had disappeared. Shouts of “God will punish you” followed her.
A security guard ushered her through a metal detector into a room painted
sunbeam yellow. Paintings of a meadow, a beach seen from a cottage porch, and a
forest path were on three of the walls. The fourth had diplomas and certificates
along with photos of what Cindy assumed were staff. She thought they might be in
danger if any fanatics burst in.
Meredith had disappeared. “She’s gone in, Meredith that is,” the
receptionist said. “Can I get you
coffee of tea while you wait? We have some muffins if you’re hungry.”
“Thank you, no.” Cindy wondered how the receptionist knew that she was with Meredith. Maybe her friend had told her. She sat in one of the beige upholstered chairs. A coffee table had information about the procedure.
*****
Meredith folded her clothes neatly and put them on the stool in the dressing room. She reached for the standard hospital gown shown on medical shows throughout the country. Never had she felt so cold.
A woman stuck her head through the curtain separating the dressing or undressing area from the . . . the . . . room where she would end her baby’s life. The woman shoved a white surgical cap over brown hair with a pink streak.
Meredith walked to an examining table covered with white paper.
“I’m Dr. Halligan. Let’s talk a bit, before we start..” She then asked Meredith questions about her university studies. All the information should be in her record from the preliminary appointment, Meredith thought. As she was answering the questions, she shivered.
Saying nothing, Dr. Halligan went to a cabinet and took out a blanket and put it over Meredith. It was warm. The gentleness was so unexpected that Meredith started to sob, deep sobs to her toes, as her grandmother used to say to describe someone’s heavy crying.
The doctor didn’t say anything but went to Meredith’s side and held her hand. “Are you sure you want to go through with it?”
“I’m 24 and supposed to defend my master’s thesis next week. I’ve been accepted for a Ph.D. program at Harvard.”
Dr. Halligan waited for Meridith to say more.
“I discovered my husband is about to leave me for another woman. It’s too, it’s too much. I can’t raise this baby. I can’t give up everything I’ve worked for. My parents . . .”
“Wouldn’t understand? Wouldn’t help?”
“No way.”
Meredith had opted for a D&C rather than a pill. She
heard a whirring, felt something tug at her insides and it was over. Half of her wanted to yell stop, but she knew that would be the wrong choice for her.
After, Dr. Masters had her rest. A nurse she hadn’t seen before brought her a cup of tea.
Cindy stayed with her that night. They sent out for sushi. “Want to talk about it?” Cindy asked.
“I thought I’d regret it. What I regret is the necessity. I may always, but I would always make the same decision.”
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