Colonoscopy fun?

 

Colonoscopy again? 

I'd had a partial when I was in a French hospital with a colon infection on my birthday this past July. This one on Thursday will be my fourth over the course of many years. 

My doctor, to whom I brought the medical reports from France, suggested a complete colonoscopy as a double check.

In one way the procedure is a good thing to have to every few years to detect possible colon cancers. The procedure itself although not pleasant, is not horrible, although I would prefer a good piece of black chocolate. 

It's the preparation that is literally a PITA (Pain in the Ass).

In the Perpignan hospital where I was a patient, the nurses cleaned me out with what looked like two bags of Monsieur Propre (Mr. Clean) one the night before and one an hour before the procedure. Telling me to hold it as long as I could made me wonder for a second if I understood their French. 

I had.

Long as I could was très court, very short.

Back in Geneva, I've been given a the dreaded preparation powders to be added to litreS of water. Over the years the taste has improved to a point I prefer it to milk. Milk makes me gag on first swallow so it isn't saying much. I've learned to drink the orange/cherry flavored concoction in thirds with a few minutes in between.

The result was to develop an immediate, frequent and lengthy appreciation for my toilet. My recommendation to anyone in the same situation is to stay close and to put in good reading matter.

My doctor asked for a stool sample. In fact he wanted three. Little bottles and instructions in German which are not part of any German lesson I have ever had, gave me a chance to utilize my creativity. It did work.

Was I having fun yet?

No.

The colonoscopy/endoscopy themselves are simple. Today I reported for the procedure. 

After a philosophical discussion with my doctor (he speaks Italian, French, English equally well) his nurse interrupted us suggesting we start the procedures. 

"Il est très cultivé," she said when we were alone in the room where the procedure would take place.

She's right. I would much prefer to have discussions on any number of topics over espresso than have him delve into my inner regions.

I had worn a new outfit to cheer myself up, stripped, climbed up on the table. Despite my rolling veins, the nurse was able to insert the needle first time. I'd felt so sorry for her two days before when she failed four times. I didn't want her to feel badly, because my record for failed insertions is eight and that was at the best hospital in Geneva. 

It's my veins. They run away. The next visit I will take her some special chocolate to prove her human pin cushion doesn't hold her responsible.

The next thing I knew Rick was sitting at the bottom of the table. I had a gray fuzzy blanket over me much like the one we have for Sherlock. I dressed, chatted with the doctor some more and made an appointment for next week to follow up on lab tests.

In 2002 broadcaster Katie Curic had a colonoscopy on live television. She's lost her husband to colon cancer and was trying to call attention to prevention methods. www.youtube.com/watch?v=adMfyB-eHoI I don't know if U.S., French and Swiss methods are different, but she did it to encourage people to do the test.

Katie Curic's colon was on life TV.

My colon photos will remain private. I still encourage everyone to get the test. It is so much better than the disease.