A Moral Dilemma

For years when eating citrus, I developed acne, so I didn't. Pimples were not the way I wanted to look younger as I limped into old age.

However, this year I tried one clementine (tangerine) and nothing. My skin only showed normal aging.

I began savoring one every day making up for the lost decades of not enjoying them. 

Then today I made my daily stop at the green grocer. One of the advantage of our small French village is we can walk to the individual owner shops such as the butcher, baker, as well as the green grocer. For the later, most of the fruits and veggies are local, some come from elsewhere.

I noticed for the first time that the clementines were from Israel.

I do not want to support any country that commits genocide. We are already careful to not buy anything American, but I will give in to a couple of products that are made locally with European headquarters. 

What to do?

Do I sacrifice:

• Rolling the clementine in my hand to loosen the peel? Nicely sensual.
• The wonderful aroma of a peeled clementine?
• Putting a single section in my mouth and feeling/tasting the flavor?
• Chewing slowly to make it last as long a possible?
• Will local melons, cherries, peaches, apricots as they come into season from local farmers be a substitute?

I know intellectually that my eating a clementine a day, will not kill another Palestine life like taking a long shower will not help them have more access to water. 

Standing in front of the clementines, I pondered the dilemma. The stand owner is a friend. She will probably sell the fruit which will benefit her profits for the day whether I buy a clementine for the day no matter.

I reached for one. I pulled my hand back. In the end I bought not one, but three. 

I feel guilty and the more I enjoy it the guiltier I feel.