Leaver vs.leavee

*(Rose, see note on graphic)

The tea room was the same warm decor. The almond croissant was no different. The tea cups still had their unique twisted shape. And the writer sitting opposite was the same one that I had coffees and conversations, or in my case tea with any number of times along with walks and talks. What was different was this was the last time. Tomorrow, the Mighty Family (see Mighty Mom's blog in my list at the bottom) would be airborne on the way to their new home in another country and this was the last time we would have the luxury of a face-to-face conversation. It wasn't that we did it so often, but it was the idea I could pick up the phone and we would... or I might get a bulletin about an alleged male hampster giving birth...or...or...or...

As an international living in two countries and being friends with loads of other internationals I've mastered being the leaver and the leavee. The period of absence can be anything: days, weeks, months, years, eternity. In many cases the leavee reappears. Thanks to Skype, voipcheap, email, blogs communication goes on.

Being the leaver is easier, because the leaver goes onto new things, albeit missing those left behind is real. Still there are new things to do see and feel and the daily reminders are not there.

But being the leavee, the hole the person left gapes wide and deep. One of my friends when I moved to Europe for the second time pretended I was in Rhode Island...That's is truly creative leaveedom. When my daughter gets on a plane no matter how long her stay-- a week to a year -- I come back to see the chair where she sat, the dishes she used, the DVDs we watched and I can feel her presence and it hurts that I cannot reach out to touch her (even if I've gained closet space).

Now that Mighty Mom is gone, I will not run into her at the post or at the Friday marché or see her daughter, Mighty Mouse, in her pink coat, the last in line marching into school. And that leaves one of those holes.

What being both leaver and leavee has taught me, is that time together with friends and family is precious, no cup of tea in tea room, conversation on a ride, accidental meeting, joke shared, story told, walk on the beach, meal eaten, movie talked about, writing shared, should ever be taken for granted. Sometimes just sitting in each other's company is enough. Each moment is something to savour.

So while I celebrate the new adventures the Mighty family are going to, permit me a tear, like the one on the cover of the notebook in the photograph. I can still think being a leavee is a bummer, even as I am grateful for all those who've enriched my life who are no longer in drop-in distance.

*Rose...this is a cover of a notebook I didn't buy last year during my "no-buy year" but when I saw it today I snatched it up. You'd have been proud of me.