Bullying

 

In flipping TV stations, I caught the end of a French-language news broadcast where they were reporting that there is consideration of prison terms for those who bully others. 

I'm not sure how that would work for say a third grade bully, but strong responses for bullying are needed.

I think back to my childhood in the sixties. My much younger brother and his friends had as a target a girl, slightly overweight (obesity was rare then) called Cray and she became Crayfish. 

My mother went to the teacher and asked how and what could be done to stop it. The teacher said that the girl was thrilled to have the attention of every boy in class.

I never talked to Cray or her parents about her feelings. Maybe that was how she coped and maybe she loved it, but I doubt it.

In high school there was a boy much slower to develop. He still looked like a fifth grader. He also was a top student. He was a target of my more macho classmates, the athletes, etc. 

I did nothing to stop it. I was nice to the victim. In a seventh grade dance he asked me to dance and I did even though I was a head taller, which isn't saying I was tall. I grazed five foot one if I stood very straight. I was worried what my classmates would think, but I didn't let that stop me. I was relieved when the dance ended.

The bullying was so bad that his parents put him in a private school for his junior and senior years.

From time to time I thought of him. 

When we had our 40th reunion, I was amazed he came. He had grown and filled out and had a successful career at NASA working on its major projects. Maybe he believed living well is the best revenge.

We talked without mentioning the bullying. I didn't ask him his motivation in coming. I know he talked with those who bullied him, but there was no way I could listen.

I think of misfits from my school days. 

One joined us in fourth grade. He had lunch money tied in a handkerchief but there was no school cafeteria. I know the teacher handled it, but I don't know how. 

This kid was creepy and often smelled of unwashed clothes. I hated it when we had to partner for something. I tried to treat him as I would anyone else, but he made me cringe. He wasn't so much bullied as ignored, and that must have caused some hurt. 

I don't know what happened to him, but he showed up on an In Memoriam list put out by the person in my class who tracks us.

Another boy was in my homeroom, and he just didn't fit in. He wasn't so much a target of bullying, but was erased by being ignored. Years later we worked at the same multi international as a janitor. I never ran into him.

An ABC News report said that nearly 30 percent of students are bullies or bully. Worse, it said that some 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.

Bullying doesn't stop with the diploma. Adult bullies exist in workplaces, families and social groups, although it can be more subtle. The following is an excellent article www.verywellmind.com/how-to-deal-with-adult-bullying-5187158 on how to deal with it. As adults I hope we have more tools to deal with the bully. 

Although I wish I could go back to earlier times and speak up more, I can only make sure I speak up now if the situation arises.