Thank you for breaking up my marriage

 

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 A letter to my ex-husband's widow.

First my condolences on your loss. You two were married for decades, raised a family and hopefully felt fulfilled and happy.

I'll admit, I was heartbroken, when my ex told me he was in love with you.

Rejection is never easy.

Originally, I was supposed to be a stay at home mom, a role that was not tailored made for me. Fortunately my old job awaited.  

Working suited me. Of course, there were times I resented it like the day I checked in with my baby sitter who told me my daughter took her first step. I missed it.

On the other hand my sitter helped potty train my daughter. I was amazed one night eating with my babysitter's family how my daughter used a fork and spoon. At home she was still shoveling food into her mouth with her hands. hmmmm two sets of behavior.

Walking thru stores, my daughter always put her hands behind her back and never touched anything. Again, it was my babysitter's lesson. She also taught her to recite her phone number and address in case she was ever lost.

She showed me how to be a better mom.

Moving to Boston was wonderful with its museums, theatre, and general feeling. I'd always wanted to leave the town where I grew up, but my ex wanted to stay. 

With two other adults, I renovated a townhouse near the Harvard Medical School. Their support took the aloneness out of being a single mom. 

Our living arrangements were fun and filled with intellectual stimulation provided by a vibrant city, meaningful work and warmth. 

Eventually, I bought my own condo, a couple of blocks away, which I adored. My feeling of accomplishment was beyond pat-myself-on-the- back, but often surprise that I pulled it off. It would not have been possible had I stayed married.

Staying married would have meant never moving to Europe, also a childhood dream. And I'm not sure I'd have developed as a writer, thanks to the people I met in Geneva. If I had it would have been much slower and without the support of so many like-minded people whom I met.

Imagine my surprise at finding my soul-mate at 71 after years of being happily single. There were relationships, but none I wanted to make formal. My freedom was too precious.

Had I stayed in a marriage that didn't meet my dreams that I had to swallow, I would never have lived the life I was meant to live. I would never have had the adventures that I had.

As horrible as the day was when I learned that my marriage was ending, it turned out to be the best day of my life because it opened the door for everything else in my life as it did for you.

It may seem strange to some to be grateful to a couple that turned the life I planned because my ex wanted it upside down. Upside down was the best thing that happened to me. So thank you.