The joys of flying today

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome aboard Southry-jetease2blue Flight 688.

We know that you like our low rates of $50 to your destination. Some of you were a little upset to have to pay another $50 for a suitcase checked and $75 if you had clothes in it.

You could have carried it on and the charge would be $40 for a suitcase checked and $65 if you had clothes in it.

And we thank you for paying an extra $25 to charge by credit card. We're sorry that is all the payments we accept.

There are a few more charges.

$12 to use the toilet
$17.50 to use the seat that you pre-booked for $17.50
$5.00 for the overhead light.
$7.50 for the tray
$10.00 to use the overhead compartments
$11.50 to leave things under the seat in front of you (if it sticks out in the aisle add another $5.00)
$25.00 exit fee from the plane
$14.00 use the ladder rather than jumping
$35 to use the tube where you slide to the ground.
$78 for our safety features each: oxygen mask, life jacket, slide into the water (there is no charge for any water that may be absorbed into your clothes).

And oh yes, $150 if you want air during your flight. For those that refuse there is a $160 pick up charge by the morgue at your destination.

You may pay by credit card for another $25 charge. 

If you do not wish to pay for any of these services or to use your credit card, you may descend into the baggage compartment for only $2.50 but pressurization will be $380. 

Now sit back and enjoy your flight.