How Many Frenchmen Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb

Eight.

My first run in with French light bulbs was years ago when I was living with Michel. As a good housewife I went to buy a light bulb. When I couldn’t find it and I didn’t know the word, I went to a clerk and acted out turning on a switch, not being able to see, unscrewing the bulb and shaking it to my ear. The clerk said, “You want a light bulb?” in perfect English. I hadn’t thought to ask if he could speak English, and he was enjoying my performance too much to tell me. “The word is ampule,” he said as I left.

I got the ampule home only to discover that the French have many kinds of screw in, push in, and snap in bulbs. Also there are different sizes of all the bulb endings.

The lighting during the day in my Argelès flat, thanks to the skylight is bright, but at night the developer had saved money by limiting the lights so if someone was within a few feet, I almost had to call out, “Is there anyone there?”

Gérard, the unusual French workman who shows up when he says he will, put in track lighting two years ago. The first Halogen bulb burned out Monday. There was no problem removing it. I went to the first store and found one identical in size, but instead of two nibs at the point of insertion, there were two points. “Try Shoppi,” Frenchman number 1 said.

“Try Weldon’s,” Frenchman number 2 said.

“All the way to the back and right,” French number 3 said.

“You should have gone left, Frenchman number 4 said.

I got to the checkout counter and noticed the writing on the bulb said 50W 230 while my sample bulb said 50W 220. “Is this a problem?” I asked the check out clerk. French number 5 called Frenchmen number 6, 7 and 8 who debated what it meant. “Try it, and if it doesn’t work, bring it back, number 5 said.

It worked.