Having Children

 

"Robert Kennedy has been shot at the Ambassador Hotel," the clock radio alarm said. I rolled over in bed, thinking it was a dream. 

It wasn't.

I was not a maternal type, didn't oh and ah over babies, never wanted to babysit. However, my biological time clock had erupted with the force of a volcano. I'd my degree and my first writing job. I thought I was happily married. 

It was time for a baby. 

When Kennedy was killed, I was just pregnant  something I'd been trying hard to do for a year. 

Rushing to the bathroom for the joys of morning sickness, I wondered should I bring my baby into a world so corrupt, so horrible.

Between Kennedy, Martin Luther King, racial unrest, and the Vietnam War this was no place for humans. I was later proven right in thinking how many people on all sides of the war were dying for a useless lie.

I  seriously considered an abortion.

Many of my friends had had abortions, many under horrific conditions. A couple of friends had used the Clergy Consultation on Abortion Services flying to Canada for a safe abortion. 

Eisenstadt v. Baird, where unmarried women were granted the right to information about contraception, was still four years in the future.

I didn't get an abortion. 

My wonderful daughter has had to face the problems that we all did. She was in demonstrations with me viewing them from her stroller. Her life has had the ups and downs of living. I am happy I gave her the chance for the opportunities she grabbed and the trials that strengthened her.

What if I were pregnant today? 

Ok, I'm in my 80s and it's impossible, but what if I were. The 60s problems almost look like the good old days.

CNN's Christiane Amanpour had a segment on people not wanting children. I understand.

I've never been so frightened for my birth country. The world has too many senseless wars. On a personal level there would be financial mountains. Although paying for my university was difficult in the 60s, it was simple in comparison today. 

Leaders don't lead. They make more problems than they solve. Some seem insane. Ignorance is almost celebrated and encouraged.

I think how my personal world is filled with joy against the backdrop of the horror. Could I bring a child into the world against all that is happening with wars, climate change, financial manipulations, celebratory ignorance.

Probably not, but I'm glad I  don't have to make that decision.